Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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