I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
