Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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