I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
