Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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