so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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