If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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