I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
