dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
whose parrot is this?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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