I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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