here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
