I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
