I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Come on in and take your pants off
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