i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
