He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize