He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
