I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
