You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
