My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
