If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She bit a glass in half.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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