he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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