I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
