the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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