Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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