No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
