it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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