do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
