not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
