God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
