Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
