She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
