Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she smelled like a LAN party
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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