Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it glows. i had to have it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
