i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
