just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
