I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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