I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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