a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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