Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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