our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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