I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
