I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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