Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
