Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
