Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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