i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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