We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
