Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
