We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
