I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
