So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
