Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
