YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
