There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I lost the right to judge tonight
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
